Tuesday, 13 March 2012

Gym'll Fix It

With my first visit to the ACL class just under two weeks away I thought it would be useful to check out the local gym. The plan being that once I'd learned some new exercises I could do them regularly just around the corner.

The gym is only a five minute walk, even on crutches, so I set off yesterday to check it out.

There's a pool, a sauna, a sports hall and a gym.

I approached the reception desk. For some reason it is screened off by a six inch thick glass screen, meaning that the parties on either side need to shout to be heard.

"Have you got a leaflet about the gym costs?"

"We're a green company, so we don't print leaflets. I can answer your questions." She was from South Africa. The SA accent is a little grating in normal conversation but shouted I find it rather off putting but I persevered.

"How much is it to join the gym?"

"If you want to just pay and play it is £5.40 a day, but you can also get membership which is £25 a month."

"Hmmm, ok." I turned to leave, I already had a headache and couldn't bear to ask another question.

She continued, the sound of her voice making fingernails on a chalk board seem like soothing lounge music. "Whichever you choose there is a compulsory induction session."

I turned back, intrigued. "What's that?"

"We show you how to use all the machines. It's part of our comprehensive Health and Safety programme."

"How much does it cost?"




"What if I just want to use the bikes?"

"You still need the induction."

"How do I book the pay and play?"

"You have to do that online."

I left. At home I went online and tried to see how I could book a pay and play session. I couldn't. I tried ringing the gym with no luck, then rang head office.

"You need to book that at the gym."

"They said I had to book it online."

"No that's wrong. Go back and tell them that head office said they should book it there."

"What about this induction thing. It seems a bit ridiculous if I just want to use the bikes."

"You can chose not to have the induction."

"They said it was compulsory."

"It's not."

"Thanks. I feel great about this whole process. Your company is making getting fit so easy. It's started already. I haven't joined yet and already I feel fitter, just walking back and forwards to the gym. Cheers."

"It's a pleasure. Is there anything else I can do for you?"

"Print some leaflets so I don't have to talk to anyone."

"We don't print leaflets, we're a green company."

"What about the six inch thick glass? How green is that?"

"I don't understand your question."

"I don't understand anything about the way you run your business."

"I'm sorry."

"I don't think you are." I put the phone down and went for a nap.

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